The dangers of ‘comparisonitis‘ and how to snap out of it.
I’ve recently experienced the devastating effect of being grilled by a business mentor that I have employed. Getting that ‘oh shit, I’m screwed’ feeling is definitely not fun. She obviously had the best intentions for me, but coming from a point where she has been a highly successful and respected entrepreneur for the past four decades, made me feel like running for the fridge! Yes, I am an emotional eater!!
Comparing ourselves with fellow human beings is as natural as having bad breath first thing in the morning. Everyone hates it, but it still happens. Comparing ourselves with fellow entrepreneurs is just as natural, and whether we like it or not, or shall I rephrase, whether we want to admit it or not, we still compare ourselves. The reality is that there will always be a brighter, more successful entrepreneur out there. Yes, I can think of a couple of men who might fiercely attack my statement that anyone can be as smart as they are, but that is a story for another day.
The negative effect of comparing ourselves with fellow entrepreneurs
The Social Comparison Roller coaster
According to the social comparison theory, individuals evaluate their own worth by comparing themselves to others. In the entrepreneurial context, this can lead to feelings of envy or inadequacy when your fellow entrepreneurs achieve more success than you do.
On the other hand, if you perceive your fellow entrepreneurs as role models, this can also create a sense of aspiration and drive. The emotional impact of these comparisons often leads to an “emotional roller coaster,” where you experience both joy and stress from their achievements relative to yours. It sounds crazy, but life is crazy after all.
A Case of Comparisonitis
Engaging in the “comparison game” can lead to feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, and depression. This phenomenon, often termed “comparisonitis,” happens when entrepreneurs measure their success against others, leading to low self-esteem and a persistent sense of falling short.
As with the bad breath situation, the constant reminder of our perceived failures can naturally create a cycle of negative thoughts, where you focus more on what you lack rather than celebrating your achievements.
Tjips, Here Comes Facebook!
It does not take a genius to figure out that the use of social media has a direct effect on our mental health, and the research agrees. Don’t get me wrong. There is a place for everything in life, but be aware of the dangers involved. Social media can present a very skewed picture of success. Most people do not post about their failures and inadequacies. Yes, I do write about my own screw-ups from time to time, but that is yet another story to discuss over a cup of coffee.
Entrepreneurs often compare their behind-the-scenes struggles with the highlight reels shared by others, which can distort their self-image and exponentially increase feelings of isolation and inadequacy. This selective sharing leads to a skewed perception of reality, reinforcing the belief that others are more successful or happier. Sadly, we know this, but the bad breath keeps on returning.
Isolation and Shame
Have you ever experienced that feeling of feeling oh so very alone. The Song ‘Boulevard of Broken Dreams‘ by Green Day sums this one up in all the colors of grey imaginable:
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I’m the only one, and I walk alone
I walk alone, I walk alone
You don’t have to be a down-and-out entrepreneur to experience this feeling. I can vividly remember my Dad sitting on his stoep overlooking a sleepy Vaal River at dusk, with his Chardonnay filled with ice to the brim. Ask no questions, hear no lies.
Entrepreneurs often experience a feeling of isolation, particularly in the early stages of their ventures. And, oh boy, this feeling of isolation can be compounded by comparison. It is pretty common for my coaching clients to feel unsupported or misunderstood in their non-traditional entrepreneurial career paths. The pressure to maintain a facade of success is just one more step down the Boulevard of Broken Dreams.
But let’s detour away from this cobblestone path.
Today is a Brand New Day
I believe that step one in helping yourself is realizing that you are, in fact, not alone. Whether you have a mentor who grills you or you just happened to scroll down the slippery slope of Facebook, it is oh-so natural to compare yourself. And we all know where that road leads us.
Shit happens.
It’s OK not to be OK.
Today is a Brand New Day with brand new opportunities.
If you still have a tinge of sadness in your bones, I suggest grabbing your tekkies and run, or walk, down the road at the first hint of dawn. Spring is indeed in the air. On the calendar, but also in my bones. To me, there is nothing as encouraging as experiencing that golden glow of the new day’s rays.
Where does this leave me?
I suppose I have to face my own demons. After all, we are all human, and that includes me. My first reaction after my grilling and that ‘oh shit, I’m screwed’ feeling might be to run for the fridge, but my dopamine friends might just come out to play if I grab my tekkies and go for a run … or a row … or whatever is needed to get my heart rate bouncing.
And yes, I might get myself another mentor, or maybe not.
Till next time.
Don’t forget to be awesome!
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