7 Ways to Rediscover your Self-Confidence as an Entrepreneur
Have you ever woken up feeling really sorry for yourself and ready to pack it all in? Have you ever looked at all the entrepreneurs around you, thinking you are the only sad soul who cannot get her act together? This is what I call ‘the crap we tell ourselves’ over and over again.
In my business coaching practice, one of the biggest challenges we face is not a lack of knowledge in the field that we work in, but a lack of self-confidence. That magical ingredient that gives us the courage to pick up the phone for a sales call, to remember that we have experience way beyond that of a youngster or the self-confidence to continue a project even though some well-meaning bloke tells you that you are wasting your time!
Below are seven essential ways to rediscover your self-confidence as an entrepreneur and, with it, to regain your sanity.
1. The Edison Effect
Mirriam Webster defines the Edison Effect as the thermionic current observed when an additional electrode is introduced into an incandescent-lamp bulb and connected externally with the positive terminal through a galvanometer. Personally, I believe the most amazing phenomina about Edison is that he performed in the region of 9,999 experiments without giving up! Something that we have to constantly remind ourselves. And yes, we do not get to know the details of Edison’s frustrations and the times when he too felt like packing it in. We only get to see the story in retrospect. In retrospect, everything looks simple.
Reading up on Edison’s failures is super interesting. Did you know that he was involved in discovering the Portland Cement industry? All through a series of massive failures. Imagine Edison as an entrepreneur who did not bother to rediscover his self-confidence. Imagine your home without Portland cement to keep the bricks together.
2. Remove Yourself from the Origin
Sometimes, well-meaning people in our lives can have a massive negative effect on our self-confidence. In neuro-linguistic terms, we must break state from the origins of our negative self-belief, even if it is only a temporary solution. This is what is typically known as a time-out. Remove yourself to get perspective on the situation. Go for a run, run some errands or organise a weekend away. If you stay stuck inside the situation, you will go off your rocker!
You might need to book a good massage or get yourself onto the self-development retreat that you have been pondering about. Anything to break the current pattern that you find yourself in. And yes, booking an appointment with a business coach that will help you work through the layers of your lack of self-confidence to help you find perspective is a gift you owe to yourself.
3. Stop Comparing Yourself
To stop comparing yourself with the people around you sounds so incredibly simple if you are on the outside. I know from experience that this is not as simple as it looks, and I have had to have conversations with clients on this subject more times than I can count. One of my clients, call her Susan, who has been in business for a number of years and, by all accounts, is successful in her own right, keeps comparing herself to her friend who seems to be turning everything he touches to gold. The fact that he never speaks about his own struggles and disappointments makes it even worse. And he does not even know it!
The reality is that everyone has his or her own struggles. Even though they don’t always talk about it, it does not mean that it does not exist. The fact that they seem to be raking in the money does not mean that they are more successful. Money does not buy happiness, and that is a fact.
4. Popping the Pimple
When you find yourself in the groggy state of the crap you tell yourself, my go-to to rediscover my self-confidence as an entrepreneur is to start writing down my frustrations. The neuro-linguistic term for this procedure is called dissociation, but it could just as easily be compared to popping a pimple. Get it out of your system. Get it out of your head. If you keep all these groggy thoughts milling in your head, you will make yourself crazy!
Whether you type it out on your laptop or physically take pen and paper, it works both ways. Write until you feel the bulk of your frustrations disappear. The advantage of this technique is that you have not shared your thoughts with anyone else who might remember what you have said. The reality is that a big portion of the stuff you write might be part of the crap you keep telling yourself. Crap that you have to get out of your system.
A dissociation can happen in one sentence, or you might need to write an entire chapter. Every situation is different. The moment it is out of the system, you can start working on your reframing process.
5. Reframe the Situation
Once the worst of the pimple is popped, it is time for what the neuro linguistic specialists call reframing. Write down your list of what you have to be thankful for today. If you want to challenge yourself, I suggest the Famous 50 approach. Write down 50 things that you are grateful for today, even if it is as simple as the luxury of having a warm cup of coffee next to you. Or the fact that you have a laptop to type it all up and electricity to drive the laptop.
Reframing helps us to focus on the positive rather than the negative. And yes, I know from experience if I am in the middle of a groggy mood, the last thing I want to hear is ‘be positive’, ‘don’t be so negative’. It is enough to hit them over the head at that moment in time. You have to find your own pace at which you do your reframing. Don’t ever feel guilty that you can’t pop your pimple when other people reckon you should snap out of it.
It is not how fast you get to the top of your mountain. If you are too late for the sunrise, you might still be in time for the sunset, which provides even more spectacular views.
6. Determine Your Own Pace
We all have a different pace at which we operate. Trying to keep up with someone else’s pace can be nauseating, and you may end up giving up altogether! Literally! I had this experience over the weekend while climbing Table Mountain. My friend, who is not nearly as fit as the rest of the group, started lagging behind. I tried staying with him, but in the end, he politely asked that I should go ahead and join up with the rest. That gave him time to go at a pace that he was comfortable with.
The time it takes to finish is not important. Finishing the task that you have set as your goal is much more important. Climbing Table Mountain is a massive accomplishment even if it takes you double or triple the time.
7. Smile
I have written ad infinitum about the psychological and physiological effects that a simple smile can have on your body. There is nothing on earth as effective as a smile when you are feeling down in the dumps. I experienced this first hand during our Table Mountain climb over the weekend. In an effort to catch up with my friends, I went at a pace way beyond what I should have done and ended up being so nauseous that I found myself close to vomiting. Yes, we can write a book on the negative effects of trying to catch up with your friends in life, but that is a story for another day.
The moral of my story is that a couple of fake smiles for the camera during some selfie-shots made me feel dramatically better, to such an extent that I was ready to continue my climb, this time with a real smile.
Quick Take Ways on how to Rediscover your Self-Confidence as an Entrepreneur
Life as an entrepreneur is not always moonshine and roses. If it were easy, everyone would be an entrepreneur. Failure is part and parcel of the process and we are going to go through patches where we have to dig really deep to rediscover our self-confidence as an entrepreneur.
Don’t despair. Keep moving forward. Remove yourself from people who seem to know it all, even if only long enough to break the state that you are in. Edison did not pop out a light bulb in one evening. We learn so much from our mistakes, and our seeming mistakes could be a blessing in disguise. Turn around and appreciate how far you have come.
Acknowledge the privileges that you have. If you force yourself to only write down the positives, you will reframe your situation, and before you know it, you will be back into the land of the self-confident. Need some assistance? We offer one-on-one and group coaching options to help you work through the moments when your self-confidence as an entrepreneur needs some rediscovering.
